To all Mothers-in-law.
We know how hard it can be on a mother when your son grows from a little boy where you are the center of his universe to a grown man with an adult life to live.
While accepting these life changes can be challenging, PLEASE do not commit these 7 sins with your daughter-in-law and son’s marriage!
If you are guilty of this “wrongdoing”, you can expect 1) to have a challenging relationship with your daughter-in-law AND 2) you are also causing tension and conflict in your son’s marriage.
1. NOT LETTING your Adult Son PRIORITIZE his Wife/Marriage
Let your son’s wife become the leading lady in his life. You must cut those apron strings!
If you are constantly clinging onto staying the #1 woman in his life at the expense of his wife and marriage, you will become the source of great conflict and tension.
Of course, you will always be #1 mom, but do your job as a mother and accept he is now a grown man.
Do not be selfish and continually insert yourself in their marriage because you can’t let go of your little boy.
Please let him AND encourage him to prioritize his role as a husband.
Never make him choose between doing what ‘his mommy’ needs and wants over the needs of his wife and marriage. No wife will be happy playing second fiddle.
If you commit this sin, you can expect your daughter-in-law to come to resent you.
2. NOT ACCEPTING your NEW ROLE
Let your daughter-in-law take over the “wife” role. She will not be able to if you do not accept that your son is now a grown married man and that your dominant role in his life has shifted.
You do not want to act like ‘the other woman’ in your son’s marriage. It may make you feel good to continue to be needed by him and feed him and remain in the top spot, but your daughter-in-law will resent you.
You must graciously pass the torch to your daughter-in-law. Do not commit the sin and not do this!
3. OVERSTEPPING with your Daughter-in-law
Do not overstep with your daughter-in-law. PERIOD.
If you justify your behavior by saying you are loving and just “helping”. But the truth is you never ask her what she wants on things pertaining to her.
You continually cross the line to do what you want.
Be honest with yourself and acknowledge NO woman (including yourself) wants another woman (especially her mother-in-law) continually stepping into her lane.
Never commit the sin by overstepping into her domain for your own selfish needs. Stop yourself!
4. COMPETING with your Daughter-in-law
Do not compete with your daughter-in-law. EVER.
If you cannot stop your uncontrollable urge to be territorial and competitive with her, then know you have created an unhealthy, unsupportive, and tense relationship dynamic with her.
Stop yourself from trying to be the top dog on everything in relation to your daughter-in-law. It is sinful and revolting behavior.
5. DEMANDING & INTRUSIVE
Do not be demanding with your wants and expectations with your son and daughter-in-law.
Do not intrude in the sanctity of their marriage.
Be a supporting presence, but then stop yourself from pushing your self-serving demands and expectations in the guise of you being ‘loving’ and ‘helpful’. It is not loving or helpful if your adult son and daughter-in-law spend enormous amounts of time talking, arguing, and anguished about you and your unwanted meddling and unreasonable expectations.
It is a burdensome sin to do this to your son and daughter-in-law.
6. NEVER BEING ACCOUNTABLE & NEVER APOLOGIZING
Listen to your daughter-in-law if things become so unbearable for her that she has no choice but to speak up and let you know your behavior is hurtful. It is a sin if you invalidate her experience and do not own up to your mistakes and mess-ups.
Never twist things and paint yourself as the victim when you are guilty of all the mother-in-law sins above!
7. NEVER CHANGING ‘OFFENSIVE’ BEHAVIOR
It is the ULTIMATE SIN to be guilty of bad mother-in-law behavior
AND
to not acknowledge or own it if you are gently communicated to about it
AND
to not do everything in your power to make amends
AND
STOP the offensive behavior!
