After being married for 8 years, I learned a major life lesson. Now if asked what advice would you tell your younger self?  It is a no brainer how I would answer. Do not marry a mama’s boy!

Healthy vs Unhealthy Mother to Adult Son Relationship

I missed a huge red flag when I was dating my now husband. If I knew what I know now, I would have taken a deeper look into the relationship between my husband and his mother. 

I only saw what appeared on the surface and the surface looked great.  You often hear a guy who treats his mother well is a good predictor of how he will treat you.

Therefore, I thought I found gold because what I saw was a son who very much loved his mother, treated her very well, and had a very close relationship with her. Sounds awesome, right? 

Unfortunately, what I missed and learned the hard way was that there is a major difference between a healthy, loving, adult relationship with his mother (you want this) and an unhealthy, overly attached, apron strings have not been cut relationship with his mother (trust me, you do not want that).  

Sadly, I discovered after getting married, the latter was the case for my husband.

Why it is hard to be the Wife of a Mama’s Boy

What does it feel like to be married to a mama’s boy?

You can expect to forever be the ‘other woman’ in your marriage and he will struggle with putting you first. 

It will be all about his mama’s needs, wants, and expectations (it is ingrained in him and his mother demands it). This can lead to heartache and resentment and a real poison in the foundation of your entire marriage. 

The saddest part about this, it should be totally avoidable…

What experts say about Mothers of Mama’s Boys and the impact on their Son’s Marriage

So, what do universally all the experts say about the topic of “mama’s boys”???

“…After a son’s marriage, an understanding and unselfish mother knows it’s her duty to step back as the wife now becomes the primary lead in the adult son’s married life. If this doesn’t happen sadly it will cause a tug of war and tension and conflict. This leads to so many issues, fights, and dysfunction in the son’s marriage.

The wife should never have to fight for her rightful position as the top woman in her husband’s life.  It makes for an epic battle that should never have existed.  It’s tragic and can destroy a marriage.  

It’s part of the cycle of life that one day your child will leave home to start their own family and as difficult as this may be, mothers must support this and never make her son choose between her needs and the needs of his adult life.

Part of the process of becoming a man is an appropriate separation from his mother as he moves from boyhood to manhood.  An adult man and mother must have those apron strings cut! 

If this doesn’t happen his mother will be triangulated in your relationship and inevitably will become the object of razor sharp resentment from the wife. 

It creates unnecessary tension and conflict in the relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law and her son’s marriage…”

A “Mama’s Boy” dynamic may never change after Marriage

Ladies, my advice to you is do not get married without finding out the answer to this important question. Is your partner a “mama’s boy”?

And if you determine he is, then seriously ask yourself this.. Can you happily live with this dynamic that will likely never change?

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