It seems so basic and easy what you need from your husband, would you PLEASE Stand Up For Your Wife to your family!?!?
So, why does this end up being mission impossible for him?
Speaking Your Truth to Your Husband
You have a legitimate issue, you are really upset with behavior of your husband’s mother, parents or other extended family towards you.
So, you talk to your husband and clearly tell him how you feel, why you feel the way you do and why this behavior hurts you. You expect him to listen and hear you and understand why this is distressing to you.
He is your husband when you are hurting, doesn’t he WANT to take action and respond accordingly. This is your love and the person you share your entire life with, you expect that he will have your back.
You expect him to respond how you know as a wife you would instinctively act. If one of your family members is causing your husband distress. You would feel awful and know it needs to be addressed. It cannot continue and you get on it!
But that is not what happens. Actually, the exact opposite happens…there is no understanding or empathy or trying to understand things from your perspective.
Instead, you find yourself keep having to explain yourself over and over again. He is not hearing you. He does not want to hear you. He does not care to see your visible pain. He just wants to ignore it and have it go away miraculously on its own.
Then even crazier, you become the problem for being vulnerable with him. For sharing with him how and why you feel the way you do!
Photo by Vera Arsic from Pexels
When Husband Protects his Mother vs his Wife
You see clearly that your husband’s reflexive loyalty and protection is not to you, but to his family of origin..to his mother (his parents). He has her (their) back not yours.
So not only does the alienating behavior continue towards you from your husband’s family, but your husband is not there for you. He is even angry at you for communicating with him how you feel.
It is such a terrible invalidating and lonely place to be.
You are also left with no choice but to protect yourself by putting boundaries in place. That process can also become a battle with your husband ?
A Wife’s Plea to her Husband; What She Needs from Him
Dear Husband:
This is what your wife needs..
While she knows you have no control over another person’s behavior including your own family. She needs to feel heard and that you take the time to see things from her perspective.
Your wife needs you to have her back and stand up for her. Even if it is to family, your parents, and even if it is daunting and hard for you to do.
When you say your vows, you commit to each other and that means you may have to do difficult things that are not easy.
Life brings challenges to your marriage, big and small all the time.. the way you handle these challenges if not done right can have a lasting detrimental impact on your union.
Husband and Wife Need to be a United Front
Everything can be made a thousand times better if your husband stands up for you and actively communicates and shows you he is doing it.
If it is incredibly hard for him to confront his parents, then be honest with your wife and tell her you need help and support to do this.
This will help the negative resentment feelings to dissipate. It will make all the difference in the world if you handle this together united on the same team.
If husbands want better relations with you and his mother (parents/family of origin), a critically important step is showing your wife you are standing up for her. You need to always have each other’s back.
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