I read somewhere you can learn everything about what type of mother-in-law (MIL) yours will be with how she approaches your wedding. Looking back on my own wedding, I did not know at the time how true that statement was!
Mothers-in-law Overstepping with Wedding Plans
It is quite common for a MIL to “overstep” with your wedding planning. If I had a penny for every story I heard about a bride annoyed with an overstepping MIL, my piggy bank would be full 🙂
The key thing is how you handle it when it does happen!
Confront MIL Overstepping Behavior Early On
One of my biggest regrets is not nipping things in the bud at the very first signs. If your MIL is crossing the line with your wedding and it is bothering you, you need to address it head on.
✔ Do not let it go and think this type of behavior will not continue after you are married.
✔ Do not fear “making waves”. It will be more damaging in the long run to let things fester.
Speak to your Partner; Address with Mother-in-law
Speak to your partner first and let him know what is bothering you. If he’s not a mama’s boy, he may take the initiative and speak to his mother directly and tell her kindly to back off. Or your partner may support you having a very direct conversation with her. Not fun stuff, but necessary!
Things get trickier if your partner is defensive of his mother and is afraid of having honest and direct conversations with her. If this happens, do not let this deter you to not address it. If your MIL is overstepping with your wedding, it most likely will not correct itself on its own but will continue long after your wedding. Therefore, it is important to get your partner to understand and get united with you now!
Be Firm and Clear with your Mother-in-law
Now the of idea of having “a talk” with your MIL may make you uncomfortable, but it is imperative you do not keep it in. You need to kindly let her know what behavior is bothering you and firmly set expectations with her. This will also set the tone to mitigate future conflicts.
Hopefully, she will be understanding and “get it”. A mother-in-law SHOULD be able to put herself in your shoes and realize she would NOT have wanted her MIL overstepping when she was “the bride” and it was “her wedding”.
**Important note: If she is a narcissist she will not be able to ever empathize.
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels
If her response is defensive and she does not demonstrate that she understands. Then you will need to start putting boundaries in place as soon as possible!
Key Takeaways
✔ Do not pretend everything is ok because you are too uncomfortable to speak up.
✔ Do not wait until the overstepping is too far along. Then things get more difficult when you try to address it.
✔ Make sure you are clear and direct when addressing the offending behavior with your MIL.
You DO NOT want to let things fester where you eventually accumulate negative feelings toward your MIL and the relationship becomes damaged.
Visit our mother-in-law message boards if you want to communicate about this topic!