By definition, a “toxic” relationship can be described as “very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way”.
The #1 Sign of Toxic In-Laws
The number one sign of toxic in-laws is when you know in “your gut” that the situation with your in-laws has become toxic. You know things do not feel right. It may have been like that from the start or it may have over time developed into a toxic situation, but the key thing is to trust that “feeling” you have deep inside..
✔ The situation causes you significant emotional pain.
✔ Thinking about your in-laws and talking about them triggers painful emotions.
✔ You are emotionally drained being around them.
What Toxic In-laws do NOT mean
To be clear, you may have in-laws that you do not really like..
Maybe you find them to be annoying. For example, every time you see your father-in-law he corners you to tell you all about the early bird dinner deals he loves. Or your mother-in-law drives you a little crazy incessantly talking about her worries about the weather.
Maybe you have nothing in common with them, or they come from different backgrounds, or they are socially awkward. But that does not meet the standards of “toxic”. It may be annoying, but it is also harmless.
Toxic in-laws are harmful to you and it goes way beyond they are just not my cup of tea.
What it feels like to have Toxic In-laws
Toxic in-laws can feel like an assault on you and your marriage.
It is patterns of behavior that happen over and over again.
It can be obvious, or it can be more subtle and insidious, but just as powerful. It is affecting you and your marriage at its core.
Common Traits of Toxic In-laws
✔ It is a constant POWER STRUGGLE. Your in-laws want control over YOUR SPOUSE, YOUR MARRIAGE, and ultimately YOUR LIFE.
They want life lived according to their terms not yours.
✔ Toxic in-laws create CONFLICT (and its ongoing).
✔ There is NO PEACE (ever).
✔ MANIPULATION is used to get what they want.
Toxic in-laws tend to be master manipulators. Some may even be charming on the surface, but they will never stop pushing their agenda.
✔ They do not care about you. Toxic in-laws only care about their wants and needs getting met.
✔ They also will not ever acknowledge or be accountable for anything wrong with their behavior (even if you raise your hand and say it is hurting you and your marriage).
✔ Lastly, if you dare raise concerns with their behavior, they will shift the blame around and act like they are the innocent victims. They will repeatedly gaslight you and make you out to be the problem.
If your in-laws are so great which they may want everyone to believe, why do they make you feel so bad??
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