Do you have one of those extremely difficult and territorial mothers-in-law?
How many daughters-in-law (DIL) out there have found yourself in an UNWANTED war with your mother-in-law (MIL)?
Instead of your MIL being a loving and supportive presence in your life, she has demonstrated over and over and over again that she is your nemesis. Oh my!
Thankfully not every daughter-in-law has this experience. My mother did not have this type of MIL, but unfortunately I did. Looking back I was so naive and I still get shivers up my spine just thinking about what ultimately transpired with my MIL. It is such a sad thing to have the excitement of embarking on your married life turn into a battleground with your MIL. What an unwelcome development that can be extremely difficult to endure!
A “Territorial” Mother-in-law starts “Turf War” with Daughter-in-law
Why is the mother-in-law to daughter-in-law dynamic often the one that causes the most tension and conflict? There are tons of articles, books, and entertainment written around this very topic. It is much more unheard of for this to happen to the father-in-law and son-in-law dynamic. Let’s delve into this..
In many households, the wife and mother “role” is often the centerpiece of the family. The woman is often in charge of “running” the household. This includes many of the social and childrearing activities. I once heard a woman described by their husband as the “CEO” of the house. Many women take great pride in this role. They are the leading lady in their family.
What happens in the cycle of life when another woman now marries into the family eager to start the next phase in her life?
This can cause certain mothers-in-law to become very territorial of their turf.
Maybe the DIL is young and green and she is ok if the MIL continues dominating until she is ready to take over the reins. But most women come into marriage with the expectation that this is their turn.
Many women are also now getting married later in their lives. Most women understandably want “their turn” to be a bride, a wife, and a mother. They do not envision nor want to be dominated and overpowered by a “territorial” MIL.
A Daughter-in-law has the Right to Stand up for Herself
If MIL is territorial, she can leave DIL with no choice. If DIL is weak, she will be walked all over. This can be a miserable existence for the DIL. DIL will be forced to be strong and stand up for herself and fight for the right for her turn. This can start an all-out war if MIL continues to hang on so tight and refuses to surrender to the new family structure.
This can not only happen within family structures and marriage, but this can be commonplace in the workplace. A famous older celebrity recently made headlines for being honest and admitting she became territorial with another younger woman of “her turf” in the workplace.
Yes, from a human psychology perspective it can be an uncontrollable impulse for a woman to do this. But mothers-in-law must be honest with themselves and stop this behavior. Please be accountable; the shame is on you. It is your behavior that is creating tension, conflict, and distress with your daughter-in-law!
